everything is fading faster than I had intended;

honestly, things are fading faster than i want them to. For some reason, my relationships have no sense of permanence to them, even if they were just intended to be friendships. There are two that I'm thinking of in particular,   no, actually three that I can think of in particular. And some may contribute it to my casual sense of "sensitivity", but rather I have no idea what it may be because of. Let's start off with what should be the most important in my life; the most prominent thing that should be shining.  Jesus, My Lord. I feel like something's fading. That fire that should be inside. This week I skipped church- and it wasn't really because my head hurt. But because I felt weary and like I needed a break. I don't think I'm supposed to feel like this about Him. Every opportunity to be spent with Him should be felt like a blessing to even be able to be in his presence, I want to be able to treasure my moments with Him and not feel burdened. Why would anyone feel burdened by such a wonderful gift? Not only this, I have noticed I have been acting more and more spoiled lately, a snobbish little brat ordering her parents around, blaming everything on them. And I remember a few weeks ago, one of my Pastors at my church mentioned cutting out all media. I think the media of our world has taken root in my heart and the heart of many other Believers. I've decided to cut out all movies (I don't watch them that much anyways), and slowly cut out TV and secular music as well. A steady initiative that is okayed by Him to improve my relationship is hopefully going to work. Also, my pastor talked of how letting anger take root in your heart does nothing to help you. I've come to realize that not forgiving or apologizing to some girls over what they have done to me, and twisting the story is entirely my fault and is creating a rotten black hole. I doubt those girls will ever read this blog post, but,

I'm sorry. I forgive you, even if you aren't sorry.

I want to be able to say: "I stand with arms high and heart abandoned... All I am is yours"